I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
accomplished twins. life is a go
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
