i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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