I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
