I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
