i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
