my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
