Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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