i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
