I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
