She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
