I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
