Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
