i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you would pick up someone in the library
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
