The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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