I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
