So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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