Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
