She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the day after is always just damage control
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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