I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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