Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
