just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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