Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
