my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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