why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
