Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
