I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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