but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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