You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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