I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
