dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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