he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
