Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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