Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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