dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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