I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
