Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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