I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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