well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We need to get me chipped asap
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
