Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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