All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
