Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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