I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
