OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
