he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
