Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
