If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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