Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So here I am, sexting at work.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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