hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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