very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
