I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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