At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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