I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
