Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
