Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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