Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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