they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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