i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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