even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
