I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
