a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
