she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
