So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
