Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
