Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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