shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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