dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
