so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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