They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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