he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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