Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
