I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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